- Ruthsarian :
- Silly Snacks :
- Serious Snacks :
- Haiku :
- Tongue Twisters :
- Featured Artist :
- Flowchart :
- Hurricane Preparedness :
- Blatant Lies :
Dear Twinkie, planet earth cringed on the day of your arrival.
Before we begin, take a close look at the wrapper in diagram 3.7 (right). Does something seem wrong to you? For your sake, I hope something seems wrong to you. I'll tell you what's wrong: This candy completely sucks.
Why does Laffy Taffy suck? Because Laffy Taffy created Ebonics. Here's how it happened: Some helpless kid was eating a stick of this squishy crapola. The faux-taffy took the poor bloke into a sugar-induced trance, and he read the candy wrapper. After coming out of the trance, he had been brainwashed to accept poor grammar & spelling. Laffy. For the next month, he ran around spouting all manners of nonsense and gibberish. The next thing you know, Ebonics is an official language.
What's really weird about the whole thing is that the kid that started Ebonics was the son of an exotic hardwood salesman. The name derives from the word "Ebony," an expensive & rare wood. Now carpenters everywhere are the laughingstock of proper English-speaking peoples. Screw Laffy Taffy for bastardizing the English language as we know it.
