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The Powerbar is a strange conglomerate of energizing substances
Powerbars are incredible. Opening a Powerbar typically requires a stout pair of pruning shears. The Powerbar itself is usually fused to the inside of the wrapper with an epoxy-like resilience. A true Powerbar aficionado will force their snack into submission as follows: (1) Bring it to a temperature under 74 degrees. (2) Clip the end of the bar clear off with a pair of hedge-clippers. (3) Peel back the wrapper as quickly as humanly possible. If you hesitate - if you go to slowly - then you fail. Removing the wrapper is like ripping off a band-aid. Or pulling a tooth.
On that same note, a Powerbar would be an excellent way to remove a loose tooth. Nowhere else will you find a snack that has a comparable texture. Biting into a powerbar is like biting into a partially-dehydrated banana slug. You can not let your neck do the work of severing off pieces of the bar. This is a great way to get whiplash. You must bite with a determined effort, and above all be patient. Your teeth can & will win out over the Powerbar. After removing a bite, it is imperative that you take the time to warm it in your mouth for 2-3 minutes. After this period of time, you should have converted it to a malleable lump of high-energy clay. Chew cautiously, and watch-out! In a few minutes, you'll feel like free climbing the north face of El Capitan. The fact that you are not a climber will not matter.
Don't take Powerbars lightly.
You should be realistic. A Powerbar could keep an elephant wired for a full 24 hours. You should only eat one if you're finishing a 100 mile ultra-marathon or working the late shift at an iron smelt.
