Bear claws: not for the faint of heart.

The act of eating a bear claw is tantamount to getting your face ripped off by an actual bear's claws. The name actually does the food justice. It bears an uncanny resemblance to a grizzly bear's paw, (complete with claw-like protrusions) and is delicious with a cup of coffee and a swift kick to the crotch. It is well known that the world's most successful cage fighters eat a BEAR CLAW before each match.

The typical bear claw is made from dough, icing, pulverized glass, and wood chips.* Don't buy one unless you are truly dedicated to becoming a hard-ass. Some people don't survive their first bearclaw...so be cautious!

Remember: Unless you have a commercial-strength kiln (capable of reaching 2000 degrees) you should not attempt to bake you own bear claws...just leave it to the professionals...

Please don't be hasty and buy a bear claw unawares. Reflect on this bear claw haiku first:

"Tasty pastry thing
comprised of wires and salt
my reality"

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*Please note: This page is complete nonsense, and is not intended in any way to be a nutritional guide*

*It is not intended to be anything, really. It is a big fat bunch of lies; organized incoherently.*

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