Our crazy uncle Kim digs fast cars

Kim Jong Il follows Nascar very closely. This is not surprising, considering his propensity to hoard sheer power. Whether that power be social, political, or combustive - Kim Jong Il will be involved. Rumor has it he is rebuilding a classic Pontiac Firebird, and will be selling it to any collector in North Korea that he darn well pleases.

A new project Kim Jong Il has undertaken is to have his engineers create a car that runs entirely on Courvoisier. According to Jong-Il, this would be a vehicle worthy of an emperor. His engineers have 1 week to make it happen. This is not an unreasonable rumor; it is purported that Kim Jong-Il spends upwards of $700,000 yearly on the purchase of fine Hennessy cognac.

Some people believe that the second leader of the Workers' Party of Korea is insane. The truth is that nothing can duplicate the rush he feels when he hears a 1,000+ horsepower top fuel dragster tear up the quarter mile in under 5 seconds. He's frustrated with the lack of muscle cars in his neck of the woods, and unfortunately he takes out his frustration by exercising military might. A good way to assist in the denuclearization of the Korean peninsula would be to offer an exhaust-based truce. Flowmaster, Inc. or K&N could act as arbiters.